My Evolution!!

I wrote this op-ed piece for a local paper.  It was the first piece I've had the privilege to have run.  I love writing and sharing my thoughts.  Since this piece was created I've been blessed with another beautiful daughter and excited to share the lesson she taught me.

Evolution by its own definition “is the process by which different kinds of organisms are thought to have developed.”

My evolution began in March 2008.  I had been told since I was seventeen I would never have children of my own as I was unable to carry a child to full term.  I remember it as if it were yesterday; looking at this funny looking doctor with a bow-tie and saying to him that if God chose me to be a mother then it will be.  Of course I had no idea how my life would change in ten years.

My evolution began in March and my life started on December 13, 2008 at 12:20 AM.  It came in this pink package of 6 lbs 5 ounces and 19 ¾ inches long.  Now for those of you who know who I am you are filled with some confusion.  “You’re thirty-four how did your life begin seven years ago?”  Well it is quite simple, that’s the day God decided to allow me to be a mother. 

How many times as a child did your parents say to you, “I brought you in this world and I can take you out?”  Or how about, “I gave you life?”  I’m sure each and every one of you has heard one or both of these statements before or something quite similar.  Well alright Mom & Dad if you are going to be technical about it then yes I suppose you did!  Well I’m here to tell you that you parents have been lying to you for years.  The truth is you gave them life.  That’s right we don’t give our children life, they give us life!!  The problem is that this is something you never fully understand until you become a parent yourself. 

Sometimes I feel as if I have this unhealthy obsession with my daughter.  Maybe that is because of my childhood but I am constantly told it is perfectly natural and if I didn’t feel the way I did then there is something wrong with me.  My life is just not complete without her.  I find myself missing her greatly when she is not here.  Well let’s just be honest when she isn’t with me whether it’s school or family or her father’s house I’m downright miserable.  I don’t enjoy activities anymore unless I can share them with her.  I find myself thinking “Awe she would have so much fun if she were here right now.”  I cannot recall the exact day and time; what I do remember is having this epiphany.  Almost as if someone had hit me with a brick in the head.  It was all so clear.  I had never truly experienced life until God gave me her.  Reflecting on the last seven years I start to see evolution and life. 

The one and only thought that crossed my mind was her.  She pushes me to not only be a better person but to be the best that I can be no matter what I do.  As parents it is our internal unspoken goal to always be better than the parents we had.  Now I’m not saying our parents were bad, I’m saying that no matter what type of life you thought you had growing up you want better for your children.  (Evolution!) 

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. Whew boy ole boy!!  I think I cried for three days straight.  I barely had a roof over my head and food in my apartment how in the world was I going to provide for another living being and I couldn’t consistently provide for myself.  I was literally petrified.  I knew I was going to screw up.  My life growing up was so messed up and I just knew I would fail her or damage her.  How could I give this child the proper life when I never had a proper life myself?

What I knew was this, I believed in God and I believed he would provide a way.  I constantly reminded myself that God protects babies and fools.  I started to evolve.  Well, God started to evolve me.  I’m not sure where the meals came from but he made sure that I had them.  Next thing He did was set me up to start gaining my professional footing.  He took me from my studio apartment to a one bedroom and finally to a two bedroom apartment.  We are still working on the house, but I know He will lead me there in his time.  (Evolution!)

Every decision I have made since she was born has been made with her best interest at hand.  I’m constantly asking how this decision will affect her, her quality of life.  If the answer is not for her best interest then it something that is not done.  God has left her in my care until he says otherwise and I will continue to protect her at all cost and do what is best for her.

If there is anything that I can leave you with is that evolution doesn’t come without constant evolving.  It is something that is truly never completed.  Embrace your evolution!!  Embrace the life that your child(ren) has given you for you would not truly live without them.

 

Side message:  My beautiful princess if you ever read this I want you to know I loved you before I ever met you.  There is no higher honor than to be known as your mother.  There is no greater gift I have ever received in my life other than you.  I will always stand behind you encouraging you and pushing you to be the best and I will always fully support you.    Thank you for helping shape me into the woman I am and the woman I will become later in life.  Keep your faith; God will always be there; even when it seems He isn’t.  Stay grounded.  I cannot wait to see who God evolves you into.  Love always, Mom!

 

 

 

 

Father Protect Our Children

So I happened upon an article today from CBS News by Manuel Bojorquez.  It spoke of a young man who nearly lost his life and the fight his mother is helping him take.

In light of the current events that are occurring in Ferguson, MO it tells of a young man who is damn near beaten to a pulp by police officers.  A chill runs up my spine when I read "the only thing worse than the beating itself was that of his mother's screams when she saw him".  As a mother my heart instantly hurt for her.  I couldn't imagine what she saw when she saw him or how she felt.  This woman quit her job to fight a fight that has been raging on in America since before most of us were ever born or thought of.

This article spoke of a conversation that African American parents have with their children and how this white mother didn't have one thought to have with him.  Not because she overlooked it but just simply because she was uneducated in regards to what is truly happening in America.  I also am a white mother to a bi-racial child.  And although she is only five years old right now the article put into perspective that this is a conversation that I also need to prepare to have with my daughter one day.

As a mother the last thing I ever thought I would have to warn my child about are the very people who took a solemn oath to protect her.  PROTECT not HARM!!!!  The "Law Enforcement Oath of Honor" states "On my honor, I will never betray my badge, my integrity, my character, or the public trust.  I will always have the courage to hold myself and others accountable for our actions.  I will always uphold the Constitution my community and the agency I serve."  

Since when did the "Code of Silence" become more important than that of another human life?  I know that there are officers in America who uphold this oath.  But the moment you turn on the "Code of Silence" then not only have you allowed that person think that what they did is acceptable but you have become just as guilty.  How can you allow one of your own to hurt you?  I think there is an old saying that you sometimes have to cut off your own nose to sin spite of your face.   Stop turning a blind eye.  Hold your fellow officer accountable.  Do not become a coward.  We the American public need to be able to trust the fact that you are out here for us not out here against us.

Father I pray to You that you give me the wisdom and to give my child the knowledge in which she needs.  I pray that You wrap Your arms around her and keep her protected.  Not only her but all our children.

Running?????

Eventually it's going to catch up with you.

Isn't that the truth.  I tell you it seems that no matter how far I attempt to run away from what God has called me to do the closer I seem to get to it.  Seems a little backwards huh?  You would think that I might get far from it...be able to "escape"..  Wrong answer.

I was at work today and I was presented the opportunity to witness to someone who seemed to be lost.  A young lady just lost her mother and seemed ready to run away from life.  It was as if I opened my mouth and out came God's Word.  Not only does this young lady wish to continue further contact with me but her co-worker asked if I would be willing to talk to his girlfriend; as she is going through a difficult time in her life and he thought I might be able to help.  The entire time I had goose bumps/chills.............. I've always been told that when you know the Holy Spirit is moving through you.

Hindsight is 20/20!!!!  I know that I am here for a greater purpose.  Here's the kicker....I still don't know what that purpose is.  I know it has to do with leading people in His Name.  But I have no clue as to that calling is........... I pray for vision so that I may see what He has in store for me.

Fathers........................

Ok so a few weeks ago I was browsing through my facebook statuses and I came across this picture.  This picture was heart-warming.  It should have aroused emotions within me that would have made me all warm and fuzzy on the inside.  Instead of joy I felt anger. Not just any anger; this anger was fueled by rage............I was angry and had some things that I needed to get off of my chest.

At this point all of you are wondering what in the hell was this picture of....Ok so there was this Father with his daughter and he was showering her with hugs and kisses.  How adorable......no seriously it was......and everythng would have been ok until I read the caption.....Wait for it..........."Let's see how many likes we can get for this Dad for being a Dad............ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inside of me rose this rage from deep inside, like deep down in the intestines...

This is not the first time that I have seen something of similar context.  I ask you since when are we promoting people for taking responisblity.  Why the hell should I give you props for doing what you are suppose to be doing any way?  Seriously, is this the pathetic society we are living in now?  (Rhetorical question) 

You as a man and woman lay down and make a child whether intentionally or not, you still made it.  So raise up and do what you are required to do.  These children did not ask to be brought into this life.  It is your job, your responisblity, your duty to make sure that child life is fulfilled to the best of your ability. 

Men so often get away with being able to not parent children.  These men are out here making babies with these women and walking away.  Gentlemen it is now time to grow up.  Man up, raise up, own up...

I don't want to take away from the men who are handling their own.....men please keep it.  You have so much to teach and show our children.  You are meant to be their and our protectors.  Continue to push through.

The ones we should be giving praise to are the step-fathers.......these men step into a position they are not REQUIRED to step into.  You receive my highest admiration possible to the human race.......Thank you for helping along the way.........

Five.

It's like a bird singing in the trees
Something like the color changing of the leaves
It's a cool breeze on a hot summer day
Love, you see, jsut takes your breath away
It has this natural power to heal
No matter how rotten you may feel
It has the ability to touch us all
It picks us up when we fall
It tends to engulf you where you stand
Don't you agree that Love is grand?

One.

Scared and confused
To be silent
She refuses
Slowly she finds her voice
Faltering at first
Then she becomes resolute
And robust
Until finally she can't
She won't be silenced
Voicing her opinions
Unafraid of the consequences
For so long without a voice
To be heard is her choice

2004

Death, destruction, and despair
These three things hang in the air
Hope, love, and peace
We never saw these in 2003
Injustices, hunger, and war
These are the things to expect in 2004